Maybe I just don't care about the outcome of my words because I know I will be fine either way.. or maybe it's because I think I have something to hold against him for everything he's done? I hope it's the first and not the second...
This addiction of his has affected my life so much. In so many ways. It's a part of every single day. And it's when its not in the forefront, it is in the back of my mind. It has changed me. How could it not? The trauma, the hurt... and trying to heal. I am not the same person I used to be. I lost myself for so many years. This last year I have been trying to reclaim myself! And with that I've added a few things to who I am.
I really feel that I have gotten so much girl power this last year.
I was never really a "girl power" kinda girl. I actually kinda thought it was dumb. I didn't care about it either way, because I didn't feel it had effected me either way. Until this. Until I decided to find myself again.
And now... I freakin love girl power!!! GIRL POWER!! YES! Blast that Katy Perry!! Blast that Beyonce!!!! And sometimes.. you might even catch me saying.. Screw men!!! I get it girl power now ... and I love it.. And I may even be a litte bit bitter about it too. And for now.. I guess that's okay. One step at a time.
When he talks to me meanly- now I say something.
Especially in front of his family (which he has done for years)- now I say something.
When he is talking mean to my kids (the tone and shortness) - you bet I say something.
When he wants to do something or talk about something that I don't - I say something.
It's hard to realize how passive I was and how much I put up with... maybe even thinking it was normal.
Because I don't have to put up with anything I don't deserve.
And I am stronger now than ever to deal with his reactions.
I got the freakin eye of the tiger people!
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